Still Blocked :(

So while I have been enjoying my time off from editing Wikipedia, I thought I'd make an attempt to apologize for my transgressions in an attempt to regain my editing power from the Administrators (or Asspoundistrators as I like to call them, but not to their faces). Basically the way it works is that you have to kiss an administrator's ass hard enough that they decide to unblock you. Here is my first attempt:

To whom it may concern: I profusely apologize for making vandalicious edits to Wikipedia. My edits were intended to be good faith edits and were not meant as jokes. I received my associate degree in Anthropological Synthesis from DeVry Online University last spring and was hoping to use my newfound skill set to educate others. Unfortunately, my mother was a single parent who never had much schooling and would teach my younger brother and I facts that she made up to make herself sound intelligent. Sometimes I forget my mother was an alcoholic psychopath and erroneously recall her lies to us as factual evidence. If unblocked, I will promise to verify my facts with the Wikipedia community before publishing them in articles where they will be mistaken for vandalism. Your understanding is greatly appreciated. Respectfully, Mike.

Unfortunately, my convincing argument fell on idiot ears and my request to be unblock was denied with the response:
 
Although it includes an apology, I find that this request does not make me confident that unblocking this account will be good for the encyclopedia. 
 
Well whooptie-effin-doo! Apparently I don't kiss ass with enough tongue. So I tried again, but with more emotion. And that emotion was sarcasm:
 
I promise I know lots of stuff real good. If you just give me another chance I will become a shining bacon in the Wikipedia community. As the great Gary Marshall once wrote, "It's always helpful to learn from your mistakes because then your mistakes seem worthwhile." Basically what he's saying is, don't block me from editing, because that would be a huge mistake. I sincerely ask you to reconsider unblocking me, and I promise I will make it up to you one thousand-fold.
 
To my surprise, my good friend tedder responded personally to my second request:
 
This request for unblocking has been declined due to your history of vandalism and/or disruption to this encyclopedia. However, we are willing to give you another chance provided that you can earn back the trust of the Wikipedia community. To be unblocked you need to demonstrate that you are willing and able to contribute positively to Wikipedia.
 
Tedder then goes on to describe how I can make up for my history of vandalism by finding an article in need of legitimate editing and sending him a legitimately revised version. If it sufficiently tickles his fancy, then maybe he'll consider unblocking me. So what do you, dear reader, think I should do? Should I bend over and let tedder stick his strap-on of authority deep into the bowels of my conscience by trying to do a legitimate edit? OR, do I just get another user name and continue pranking at my own free will? Leave your thoughts in the comments.