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On October 19, 2009 US Forces discovered the beard of Osama bin Laden in a cave system along the Pakistan border. The beard was confirmed as bin Laden’s through DNA testing along with an apparent iron deficiency in his blood. Upon learning the results of the testing, former Vice President Dick Cheney joked, “I’d like to help him with his iron deficiency,” making a machine gun gesture, implying that he’d like to shoot bin Laden (apparently unaware that modern ammunition is typically composed of lead wrapped in a copper jacket). After intense questioning, it was determined that bin Laden’s beard was of no significant importance to intelligence forces and was auctioned off on the Home Shopping Network’s “Used Beard Special” for a record $260,000. The winner, a self-made millionaire wig-maker from Idaho, fashioned bin Laden’s beard into a prop wig for the Bride of Frankenstein, to be played by John Travolta, in the upcoming Broadway musical Tranny-sylvania: Dracula Sucks.
***Update*** Article was re-edited without comment after just 12 minutes. Gosh darnit! I liked this one too :(
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